Hopelessly Devoted

Today, after a short warm-up, Blanka divided us into pairs and gave us dialogues to work on. I had spent the whole weekend wondering who my partner would be and which role I would get. I was particularly anxious about the possibility of working with Bianka. Her absences and lateness, especially when a partner depends on her, had made me worry. I understand that she may have reasons I do not know about, but it is important to me to feel that we can both rely on each other. So when we were paired together, my first reaction was uncertainty.

However, as we read, my feelings began to change. At first, I did not even immediately realise that the scene takes place in a prison. As we started working on the text, I felt how much I connected with my role. There is pain, fear and loneliness in it. It is material I want to explore through my own feelings and experiences, using them to understand the character.

My character is called Chess. She remains in prison, while Bianka plays her former cellmate, who was released less than a month ago. Her character has children, but she is not with them yet. I feel that there was a close friendship between these women, and I think Chess may have been in love with her. For now, this is my interpretation, which I would like to explore further in rehearsal.

One woman’s release has changed both their lives. They were used to living alongside each other, and now each has to learn how to exist differently. Habit has enormous power: even in difficult circumstances, another person can become your source of support. When that connection changes, both people can feel lost. One has remained in prison and the other has been released, but neither has yet found her place in this new reality.

For me, this scene is about the loneliness of isolation. Chess may have other cellmates, but that does not make her feel any less alone. Bianka’s character is now free, yet she is just as lonely. Their circumstances are different, but their pain connects them. I feel that Chess is happy to see her friend, while also realising that their old life together belongs to the past. They both need to learn how to move on, although neither yet knows how.

As we began reading together, I unexpectedly felt that Bianka might be better suited to this role than anyone else in our group. I began to understand Blanka’s choice. My initial anxiety gradually gave way to curiosity about what we could create together in this scene.

I like the fact that my character seeks refuge in music. We will be performing rap, which I have never done in my life. This is a completely new experience for me, and I am interested in trying it and discovering how rhythm and words can express my character’s state of mind.

I already have some initial ideas about her physical behaviour. I picture Chess in a prison jumpsuit. For some reason, a movement keeps coming to mind: she tries to fasten or unfasten a button. I do not yet know when this might happen or whether it will stay in the scene at all, but I sense her uncertainty in this gesture. She is waiting for the visit and is happy about it, yet she does not know how to behave around someone who used to be so close to her. I want to explore this movement and understand where it comes from.

Today, we also began analysing the material using Katie Mitchell’s approach, writing down the facts we already know and the questions we cannot yet answer. We drew on the extract, Blanka’s explanations and the information we had managed to find about the play. The music suggested by the author also became part of our introduction to the material. At the moment, we have more questions than answers, and I find that exciting. I want to discover these people gradually: why they speak the way they do, what they expect from each other, what they hide and what they fear.

I am going to read the whole play to understand the characters’ circumstances and relationships more fully. This scene has affected me deeply. It offers so much scope for acting and for exploring another person carefully through my own experiences and feelings. I want to understand Chess and find a way to convey her pain, her attachment and her attempt to move on.

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Today, after a short warm-up, we began with an exercise in attention and focus. We worked in pairs and named specific actions we noticed our partner making: “You smiled”, “You blinked”, “You moved your hand”. Our partner then had to acknowledge the observation: “Yes, I smiled”, “Yes, I blinked”.

At first, I did not fully understand the purpose of the exercise and felt a little awkward. When all the attention was on me, I wanted to find a way to draw it away from myself. But my experience changed when we began taking turns noticing each other’s actions and responding to the observations. Our attention started moving freely between us, and I felt much more at ease. I found it easier to interact with my partner than simply to be observed. I began thinking less about how I appeared and noticing the other person more.

The purpose of this exercise became clearer to me when we moved on to our dialogue. Blanka asked us to learn the text in small sections, three lines at a time, trying a different way of saying them with each repetition. We varied our intonation and explored different reactions and ways of interacting. I saw a connection with devising in this process: through experimentation and change, we explored how the scene could develop and what possibilities lay within the text.

I felt that I had already learnt my section quite well. But when Blanka came over to us, I became flustered and could not remember the words. She explained that this was exactly the difficulty today’s work was intended to address. During a performance, a phone might ring, someone might cough, or something unexpected might happen. If the text has only been learnt in one familiar way, any distraction can disrupt that pattern.

At that moment, it is important to bring my attention back to my partner. This was where I understood the connection with the first exercise: seeing the person in front of me again, noticing their gaze, movement or smile, and responding to what is happening between us. The words can then return through the interaction. It felt as though the text was beginning to connect not only with my memory of the words, but also with movement, emotion and my partner’s responses.

During the lesson, we learnt almost a whole page, and I really enjoyed this way of working. Repeating the text with variations helped me both to remember it and to discover something new within it. In future rehearsals, I want to hold on to this experience: when I feel lost, I can bring my attention back to my partner and to what is happening between us in that moment.

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Prison life and costume

To understand my character’s everyday life more fully, I read The Longest Day: Diary entries from women in prison and the community on the Women in Prison website. The article brings together diary entries by different women describing a day in their lives.

I was interested to learn about their daily routines: work, classes, cleaning, meals and time spent with others. What particularly moved me was the way ordinary everyday tasks existed alongside a longing for loved ones. At times, I could sense irritation, but alongside it there was friendship, care and humour.

This made me think about the importance of routine. Perhaps repeated actions and a timetable provide a sense of stability in circumstances where so much is beyond your control. Shared activities also create opportunities to communicate, build relationships and feel supported by one another.

This helped me understand my character more deeply. After her friend’s release, she lost not only someone close to her, but also the everyday life they had shared. Things they used to do together now have to be done alone. I feel that this change has seriously shaken her sense of stability. Reading the diaries helped me appreciate the importance of friendship and humour in a place where separation from loved ones is felt so intensely.

I also researched what women wear in prison. For my stage costume, I wanted to find a recognisable uniform that would immediately communicate my character’s situation. I want to use an orange jumpsuit. I understand that it is more closely associated with American prisons and is not the typical everyday uniform in women’s prisons in England. For me, this is a deliberate theatrical choice.

In the visiting scene, this costume will create an important contrast: my character remains a prisoner, while her friend arrives in her own clothes as a visitor. They are together again, but their circumstances are now different. One will be able to leave after the visit, while the other will have to stay.

The Message: music in our scene

I also explored the music used in Hopelessly Devoted. The play includes original songs with lyrics by Kae Tempest and music composed by Tempest and Dan Carey, as well as references to existing songs. In our scene, we sing part of The Message by Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five, released in 1982.

Listen to The Message — official video on YouTube

When Chess asks Serena what life is like outside prison, Serena describes it as being like a jungle. This leads into the familiar line “It’s like a jungle sometimes” from The Message. The song grows out of their conversation, connecting Serena’s experience of life outside with music that the two women recognise.